A surefire way to learn how deep your love really is, is through forgiveness. The act of forgiving is an incredibly brave and powerful action to take, for ourselves and for the one(s) whom we are forgiving. It boldly asks us to be loving at a time when we may be feeling anything but. I am absolutely fascinated with it. In it lives tremendous purpose, power, freedom and brilliance. Yet, forgiving will likely require a lot of love, compassion and courage too. No real surprise there. It so often seems the things which can challenge us the most are generally the ones that will yield the most and greatest "fruit".
Yes, forgiving either our selves or someone else can feel challenging, especially if we believe what we did or what was done to us was big deal, and therefore, hard to forgive. We may choose to withhold forgiveness to keep ourselves or the other person "on the hook" as a type of penalty. In the case of forgiving others, if we decide to forgive, we may want, hope or expect the other to be grateful for our forgiveness. Yet as luck would have it, it doesn't generally turn out that way. Nevertheless, it is a given that in our lifetimes we will likely hurt or offend others—often the ones we love the most—and they will hurt us too. Therefore, learning the art of forgiveness is a crucial lifeskill if you'd like to live a free and happy life. It asks us to cultivate a willingness to live as love.
Forgiveness can be complicated. However, what we may not completely embrace right from the beginning, is that forgiveness is a high calibrating action. Quite the opposite of taking advantage of someone or doing them wrong, which is a low calibrating action. Here think two levels: one at the near top of the mountain, and one at the near bottom. Can these two perspectives ever cross? Perhaps on a rare occasion where both parties are motivated to get beyond the difficulty and meet somewhere in the middle. Yet, they may also remain as parallel lines that will not crossover. Here, you might intuit if you choose to take the high road, you are also choosing to forgive for forgiveness's sake, i.e., likely going without any ego "satisfaction". A familiar accompaniment to doing the "right" thing. At the crux, the goal of forgiveness is to forgive so fully that you not only forgive, but actually forget. So how can we forgive this way? Let's explore how to do it right.
First, It takes LOVE. A true love and respect of one's own inner Self, one's own deity and a deep connection between the two. As well, a healthy understanding and love of humanity with a willingness to authentically consider the real struggles life can bring to each of us. Many of them, we share. In Christianity, this love is modeled by Jesus Christ. He forgives and forgets. His forgiveness is described in the bible and spoken by Christ this way, "It is done." This means all sins, past, present and future. All are forgiven. So if this is your model, you have a lot to live up to which requires strength and faith, however, you also have much to gain. Deepening your love is about letting go of petty issues, taking responsibility for your own trauma, learning how to heal it and how to begin thriving again. It is about the choice to love your higher self (Self) and the other deeply enough, that you discover a wisdom and relief in letting go. The grudges begin to melt away. This is to forgive. This action can be a monumental gift to ourselves and the other, beyond what we might believe in the moment. Here, we grow our faithful intention large enough to experience a powerful peace; our good work brings us to a higher place where we no longer need anything from the other to make it right. We are right with and within ourselves, dissolving issues, healing, letting go and moving on.
However, bridging that gap can take some time. Few of us are consistent enough, strong enough or evolved enough to actually do this every time at any given moment. Those who have mastered the art of forgiveness have certainly spent dedicated time developing a personal spiritual practice which has revealed the experience of freedom within the indisputable Truth. Yet when they do, the rewards for full forgiveness are experientially felt, clarified, accepted and integrated—and we can let bygones be exactly that. This is the importance of always endeavoring to live from a place of love. Because that place is also the place of true freedom. Imagine not having any memories of lingering unforgiveness haunting you, triggering you, or limiting your happiness. Imagine the freedom and lightness in living without residue from past transgressions. This is a much different scenario than when we instead choose to hold a grudge or forgive with incompleteness. In this instance we remain—to a greater or lesser degree—bound to the negative emotions, experience and memory.
We weren't made to live this way. The old adage is true; forgiving is really more about freeing oneself than the other. It is also about leaving any judgements of the offender to the Divine. We can never know from where people are coming, nor what experiences drove them to act as they did. Therefore, as mere mortals, we are fortunate not to have to carry the ominous responsibility of judgement, which quite frankly, also binds us to those transgressions and transgressors negatively, rather than freeing us. Those who have fully forgiven know through experience the old adage is true and very powerful. As you begin to get curious and expand your own willingness to forgive, I hope you too will delight in discovering your depth and ability to live as love, and the experience of true freedom found within of it.
Always for YOU,
Karen