The stars of Hollywood and those in the music business often have our attention. We watch, wonder, and maybe even secretly wish we could step into their places and enjoy all the luxuries, fame and fandom they experience daily. We often listen to their opinions with great interest and curiosity. But for those who receive such attention, there also comes responsibility. I believe the recent post of Selena Gomez crying, regarding deportations and "her people" is a wonderful place to learn an important lesson. And one you may not expect to hear. Frankly, it has nothing to do with immigration or deportation, but rather, the processing of our emotions in the way they were meant to be processed.
So what does that mean? It means our deepest emotions were not meant to be processed on the internet. The things we hold so deeply personal are things we need to sit down with. To become quiet with. To hold loving space for within reflection and contemplation. They are things we must "own" before we share them. Often, people are using the internet to spill their most raw feelings, which may potentially be triggers (purposeful or not) for others. These people then react negatively to the emotional show and the one going through them might wonder why they receive backlash. The lesson here: do not expect to spill your raw emotions over other people in public and also expect to receive perfect understanding. Because frankly, it is not anyone's job but your own to perfectly understand your raw emotions. It is also only your job to process them, alone. If you choose to talk with someone about it, do it privately, with someone you love and trust. What you are left with after processing, if you have not resolved the issues, simply surrender to your Higher power. End of story. This is how we stay healthy and whole. By repetition of good emotional hygiene. And as well, Miss Gomez may have likely been much more clear and powerful had she made any statement after processing her emotions, rather than during.
The most respectful and honorable way to move through your own difficult emotions, as well as with respect to others, is with quiet awareness and curiosity. Our culture has us telling everything we feel out loud, to gain followers or receive attention. But this constant barrage of emotional opinions does not bring self-respect or the respect of others. For when it is used this way, it is simply drama. And when you share your raw emotions with strangers, what else really could it be to them? Even if a person is compassionate, they don't KNOW you. So this is nothing more than a hinderance to actually resolving emotions in a healthy way. Even for a public figure. And this is exactly what we saw play out on the internet.
I believe there are questions we can all ask ourselves in difficult emotional moments that are truly helpful on the path of healthy resolution. First of all, do not act. Instead, Stop. Sit quietly and be fully with yourself in compassionate acceptance. Then release emotions and allow yourself to soften and calm the tumult. Only then, begin asking the necessary questions like, What meaning am I assigning to what is happening? Why am I so bothered by this? Is what I am seeing 100% true? What can I learn from this? Why do I think I need to immediately share this with others? What am I hoping to get from doing so? What will I accomplish? Is this truly the most self-honoring choice I can make right now? If I paused and could make a better, wiser decision, what would that look like?
Taking this path of curiosity will of course require self-discipline, self-respect and maturity, but it is totally worth it. Until a person is willing to personify those qualities, mishaps will continue and wires will be crossed. If those who disagree with Miss Gomez also sat with their own thoughts and feelings, they also could have likely put something "out there" that wasn't quite as inflammatory, name-calling or harsh. That said, I can see how the intensity of her show of emotion was naturally answered by intense responses. As the pendulum swings wildly in one direction, it will surely be answered by another wild swing from the other. So much inflammation of the emotions of both "sides" could have been avoided if the time was taken to properly process, clarify and purify these ideas and issues for "public consumption." The kind that is actually nourishing and people can learn from. And that kind, makes a real difference, for everyone. Learning the lessons of our own emotional lives is a wonderful path to self discovery and understanding.
Always for YOU,
Karen